I'm in over my head.
And I can't do this any longer.
I overdrew my bank account. I ran myself ragged. I tried to take everything onto myself because I felt guilty about asking the Janes for money and asking them to break the law.
Emergency Kindness was a plan badly structured, poorly implemented, and cost far too much to run.
I'm giving it up. I'm broke, I messed up my credit rating, I'm facing a huge car repair bill, I have to move out of my parents' house in five months...right now I need to take care of myself. I've driven myself stir crazy trying to take care of all these other people and I can't do it anymore.
I've spent too many nights on the phone with Leon, sitting on a cold park bench somewhere in the dark and crying because I can't handle this and I'm finding it impossible to get help. I've spent too much time dabbling in horrible things like work at escort services trying to pay for all this EC. I can't even walk into Wal-mart anymore because the pharmacists know me on sight. I've spent too much time screaming, stressing. I've worried Mal half to death and he doesn't even know a fraction of what I did or how much money I've poured into this. If he did know he'd hit the roof.
I'm so exhausted. I've been exhausted for four months now. I want to wrap myself up in my coat and sleep for a thousand years. I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I started this.
It's like a long nightmare.
And I need to wake up.
So this is it; this is goodbye, y'all. I'm going to stop EK and cut back my classes and try to work full-time in the hopes that I will have a little money scraped together by the time my parents kick me out. Best of luck to all of you. Take care of yourselves and keep fighting.
You're stronger than I'll probably ever be.